Overcoming the seeking trap

We all have a yearning to feel deeply fulfilled in our lives. But one of the biggest traps I see my clients fall in to (and which I got caught up in myself for years) is looking for that fulfilment externally.

When this happens, we get caught in the pattern of seeking things from the outside world that we hope will make us feel a certain way.  We seek fulfilment through doing.

We place pressure on our jobs, our friends or our partners to be what we want them to be so that we can feel the way we want to feel. We create expectations and rules upon these things and then become disappointed and upset if they do not meet them.

The Seeking Trap

Searching for fulfilment in your external world sends you on a journey of never ending seeking. We search and search for the happiness we crave. We change, control and fix our external world. And we chase that elusive outcome in the hope we will feel as though we have arrived.

This can be a really disempowering space to be in, as it puts us in a place where we are completely out of control of how we feel on a day to day basis.

What we are ultimately craving is to feel loved, important, appreciated and recognised, but we have lost touch with the ability to give those feelings to ourselves.

 

My Fulfilment Prescription

I have been doing a lot of work around this in my own life, and in fact, I still continue to. It is big work. It requires us to let go of the way we are used to finding fulfilment and instead take our power back, turn inwards, and reconnect wit the loving presence within us.

Today I am going to share with you a few key principles I have been working with to move beyond the seeking trap.

 

Notice What You Are Seeking

What do you typically look to the outside world for?

Validation that your work is valued?  Reassurance that you are good enough? Confirmation that you are loved?

Pay attention to the times where you are needing something from someone or a circumstances outside of you, so that you can feel a certain way.

 

Observe Your Actions

Start to become aware of how you seek that. Do you try to act in certain ways or do certain things? Do you try to control or manipulate? Are you an over achiever or perfectionist? Do you place expectations on others?

Start to just become more aware of this pattern drives your behaviour.

 

Take Your Power Back

What have you put power in to? What circumstances, things or people have power over how you feel? What controls you?

Start to become aware of where you are giving things outside of you, power over your happiness and your fulfilment. Bring your attention back to you and step back in to the drivers seat of your life and your feelings.

 

How Do You Want To Feel?

Become really clear of what you are actually looking for. What you are ultimately seeking is to feel a certain way.

What is it you want to feel? Loved? Secure? Accepted? Or are you seeking feelings of happiness, success or abundance?

Become aware of the key feelings you want to experience.

 

Give It To Yourself

It is time to to recognise that you have the ability to connect with and cultivate these feelings within yourself.

Look over your list of feelings you want to experience. How are you not giving this to yourself at the moment? If you are seeking approval, acknowledgement, love, connection or attention, how are you not giving that to yourself?

If you are craving success, achievement or a sense of moving forward, where have you not been acknowledging all of the amazing things you have been doing and instead have been seeking that from others?

 

Connect Inwards

Recognise that when you are in the pattern of seeking, you are placing more importance on the external world, than your inner world. Which is more real?

Through the practice of connecting inwards, you are placing more attention on your inner world and therefore making it more real.

Meditation is a powerful way to strengthen your relationship with yourself and your inner world. ~Connie Chapman

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